This isn't turning into a church review blog, I promise.
Yesterday I went to Unity Church, a Unitarian Church in the crocus hill area of St. Paul. I used to go there when I was a little kid, for a while, but then we stopped going once they got a new preacher/pastor/speaker... The last time I was there was 2.5 years ago, at my grandparents funeral.
Anyhow, yesterday me and my church buddy headed over to Unity for their afternoon service. Looking around, the demographics seemed very similar to what I saw in Edina. There were 2 speakers leading the service. For the most part, they talked about how open and inviting this church is, especially to those who have been excluded or oppressed because of their race, sexual orientation, or gender identity. They talked a lot about how they are now an official welcoming church, welcoming everyone, including (and specifically) the GLBTQ community. Now, I can't say that sexual orientation or even gender identity is clearly visable. Race isn't either, all the time, but it definately appeared to be a very homogenous group of people at the service.
The handout they gave us when we walked in discussed the financial goals of the church. Suprisingly (to me anyhow), these goals were slightly higher than the chuch in edina. I don't know why it suprised me. I guess because I felt really overwhelmed with the lofty (yet attainable) goals of the edina church...wondering how the heck it was possible to fundraise a million dollars a year within a church...but apparently it is doable, even in saint paul, 1 block away from webster school...which is diverse, over-populated, and under-funded.
Apparently when we walked in, people were staring. I didn't notice (the stares), but I did notice the lack of brown people. The service included some words of bell hooks and walt whitman, typical words you would hear in a liberal college setting. There were several times which one of the two speakers would reiterate how "open" and "welcoming" to all people Unity is. But again....they were preaching to a bunch of white people....and me.
Upon leaving the church, I felt like the service didn't really do a lot for me. I can see how it might, for well to do white folks, who want to feel better about helping others less fortunate than they are. I can see how it can shed some light on the issues that other people are facing. But for me, it's just someone talking about the life I live more often than not, and how to help people like me, through the spirit of love and unity.
I think I expected more from the experience. I went into it thinking "fuck yeah, this is a liberal church, it will be diverse, it will be awesome, I will be moved"....but I wasn't. Rather, I felt like I was in a lecture, directed to people who are not like me, but with the notion of serving people like me. I didn't think about it being a room full of white people, with a ton of money.
One funny (in a bad way) event that happened was when the "donation bucket" was being passed down the row. I got the bucket (it was actually a basket), and there was SO much money in there! People had thrown 20's in the bucket. Not thinking, I said "jesus christ" as I put my 2 dollars in the bucket. The dude (the usher) said thanks and took the bucket to the next row. It was kind of the worst thing to say in church, but I guess I was just thrown off by how much people can and did give. Must make them feel good. I can see how that could happen really easily.... you go to church, sing revolutionary songs, read scholarly writings, talk about being open to people who are not like you, and put 20 dollars in the bucket that will eventually help kids in a less fortunate position.
I find it interesting that I didn't think about being the only non-white person at church (before we got there). It's interesting that I assumed that because it's where it is, and because it's unitarian, it would be diverse and open. I think it's interesting that I had my own stereotypes and presupositions about the church before I even showed up.... and that I was totally wrong.
I learned more and was pushed harder at the Edina chuch a few weeks ago. I never would have imagined that to be the case, nor am I very thrilled to admit such a result. I do however want to keep looking for a church, that I feel comfortable in, that resonates with me, and enlightens me (or at the very least challenges me). I want to find a church where I am not the only brown person, the only poor person, the only person who doesn't fit perfectly into a box. Maybe there were people like me at this church and the edina church, but not enough that it was overly evident. I guess yesterday was a just a reminder for me, that I don't really fit in anywhere around here. It can get lonely sometimes.